Love?

I know I'm a little delayed but I started writing this and figured I'd share it on here.

February 14th, Valentines Day.
For most: date night, chocolates, flowers, cheesy gifts, romance.
For me: stupid, stupid, corporate consumerist scheme, stupid.
I suppose that could just be me playing the part of bitter singleton to a perfect t. But I think it's more that a part of me doesn't believe in love. I don't believe in love at first sight, soul mates, or falling head over heels despite movies and novels trying their damnedest to persuade me otherwise. Even if they did exist, I don't believe that they last. I've seen so many professing undying love only for it to end with utter indifference or downright hatred. Every time I see this happen, my faith in this "love" that everyone rants and raves about dies a little more.
Yet I find myself absolutely terrified that I'll never find this thing that I don't even believe in. I'm scared that I'll end up dying alone never truly knowing whether or not love is out there. I've tried to convince myself that I'm resigned to my unavoidable fate. But the truth is, while I'm sure it's going to end up that way, I'm also scared that it will.
But I guess this is just being human, living in constant state of hypocritical dichotomy.

JB

I guess when it comes to you I'll always be such a sucker.
I'd rather believe your lies than see the truth.
I see you for what you can be, not what you are.
If you could see what you are now, you'd be ashamed.
You're a mess. No way around it.
I just want you to be better for you.
We can't be "back to normal"
When you so obviously aren't.
I can't be friends with someone who doesn't want to be better.
I refuse to stand by and watch you ruin your life.
I refuse to be taken advantage of or lied to.
Just leave me alone.
Forget I helped you in your time of need.
Forget I ever told you I still care.
Forget me entirely.

Moody

To live is to simply kill time, to wait for something real to happen.
I have an insatiable urge to wreck every good thing I see. But you wouldn't know what that's like, would you? Getting intoxicated by self-destruction?

Have you ever fantasized about crashing your car? Running it off a bridge?
Yeah, me neither.

La lluvia

So I had to write a poem in my Spanish class today. An ode, specifically. Anyway, it's really not good. But it sounds nice in Spanish. If you don't understand what it means anyways

La lluvia
El mundo está ahorgando
en las lágrimas de Diós.
Los árboles están bailando
con felicidad
por el regalo
que el cielo les da.
Todo está brillante
debajo de la grís.
Nada es mejor que
estos días de lluvia.
Nada es más bonita,
más perfecta.
Si yo pudiera,
bailaría con los árboles
por el resto del tiempo,
hasta el fin del mundo,
en la belleza
de la lluvia.

The Following

I just finished watching the season finale of the show "The Following". Needless to say, I was hooked on it from the first episode. A serial killer with an Edgar Allan Poe fetish? What's not to like?  It was amazing. So many twists and turns throughout the whole season  and even though I expected the some of the ending, it was still shocking somehow. WATCH IT. Whenever it comes out on Netflix or whatever. It's a must see. All the characters were so intriguing. I absolutely loved it. Except for the cliffhanger. Oh well. 'Till next season I suppose.

Rant

One isn't the loneliest number.
Loneliness grows exponentially
at the rate of people around.
I feel most lonely in a crowded room,
when I'm face to face
with the distance I've created
from those around me.
Acknowledged but never mentioned,
seen but never spoken.
If my pain is silent,
can you still see it?
Or does it continue within me,
unbeknownst to any bystanders
any witnesses
for the impending implosion?
We're all waves,
making our way through the sea,
waiting to be all we can be,
for our one moment to reach shore,
then retreating again into anonymity,
into obscurity,
into meaninglessness.
We can never mean anything
to anyone
if we mean nothing
to ourselves.
I need wings to fly
but mine seem to be clipped,
or maybe I was made without them equipped.
A grounded bird among the doves,
a copper coin among the gold.
Catch me, since you can.
Toss me, if you want.

"My moral compass is spinning next to the magnet that is all of my desire."

Just for the record, the last couple of posts (including this one) have kind of just come out of nowhere. That's how it works. I'll have a dry spell for what seems like forever, then just this sudden burst of ideas. So I run with them. These aren't based on my experiences, or even experiences of people I know necessarily. A line comes to mind and then I just flesh it out.

my thoughts may be hazy,
my eyes may be heavy,
and i may not remember this tomorrow,
but my desire is clear and true.
don't tell me i'm crazy.
don't tell me maybe.
don't act like you're not thinking the same.
i'm in no mood for second guessing.
impulsive decisions are my specialty.
this is do or die,
pass or fail,
the point of no return.
so for tonight
and tonight only,
will you please be mine?