Conflicted

There's one thing that I just haven't been able to get off my mind this past couple of days. I've avoided writing about it, afraid I'd give up my biggest, ugliest secret to whoever is out there reading. But I figure I can try and vent without giving anything away. So here it goes.
I'd be lying if I said everything was as happy or static as I try to put off on the surface. I'm continuing to battle demons that I thought had long since left me. I'm realizing now that they never will. I will most likely have to fight them for the rest of my days. Unfortunately, I let these demons beat me in one of our infamous battles the other day. This angers me to no end. It feels like every time I make some progress and things are starting to heal, everything just reverts back to the way it was and I have to start clean all over again. And it's not like I can just go and ask someone for help. My type of insanity is frowned upon by most everyone. What makes asking for help even more offputting is feeling that I'm admitting defeat, that I can't control it, that I'm weak. I can't stand the thought of that. So I'll continue silently battling it out with my demons and hopefully, one day I'll have them locked up so that all they can do is just rattle their cages at me.